During his 2016 presidential campaign, Donald Trump, in reference to all of the corruption in Washington, DC said we needed to “Drain the Swamp”! In fact, it became one of his campaign slogans.

Well, for once I’m going to have to disagree with President Trump – not because he was wrong, but because he didn’t go far enough.

Besides, calling Washington, DC a swamp is an insult – not to Washington, but to swamps. Swamps are a unique form of wetlands that serve a vital ecological purpose in nature and are full of all sorts of swamp critters that don’t deserve to be disparaged by comparing them to politicians and the other vile creatures that inhabit Washington, DC.

Nope, Washington DC isn’t a swamp, and it isn’t full of swamp critters. It’s a gigantic, filthy, stinking toilet, and we all know what toilets are full of – and it ain’t Baby Ruth candy bars (my apologies to Bill Murray, the producers of “Caddyshack” and Ferrero, the current owner of Baby Ruth candy bars)!

In fact, Washington, DC is so full of this stuff that the stench emanating from it can be detected in every corner of our country – and beyond. Talk about air pollution! There’s not enough air freshener in the world to overcome that smell.

Even worse, this toilet bowl of corruption attracts all sorts of nasty vermin like maggots, lobbyists, PACS and special interest groups that feed off this stuff (OK, I should have left maggots out of this list of vermin as they actually serve a useful purpose). And the more these vermin feed, the more of this stuff they create. It’s like an “infinite do-loop” of doodoo (there’s that old Fortran programming term again)!

So, my advice to President Trump as he prepares for his 2024 re-election campaign is to change his campaign slogan from “Drain the Swamp” to “Flush the Toilet”! Not only will it provide a more accurate description of the situation in Washington, DC, it will remove the tarnish so unjustly and improperly applied to our swamps.

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